I’m going to be very honest here. Having a baby will change your relationship. Now the real kicker here is that it made my marriage difficult. I love my son. He is everything to me. There are some nights I’m so exhausted I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next day, but the next day when he wakes up and realizes it’s me, that smile just melts my frozen bitchy little heart. Unfortunately my husband doesn’t feel the same way.
I know some women will probably say he is being selfish. For the past 4 months I’ve been dealing with him “regretting” our son. He loves our son but he doesn’t like the changes. He is a decent father but he still struggles bonding with him and in a way I can tell he resents the fact I spend so much time taking care of him. To be honest I was starting to wonder who did I marry. Where was the man who made me smile every day? Where was the man who for the past year was just as excited as I was that we were now finally having a baby? I don’t know this person anymore.
I will admit I started wondering if separating/divorcing would be better not just for my child but for me as well. Yet I couldn’t. I love my husband. He is a good person and I know I should be there for him. For the past 8 years I’ve known him there is much more happy memories than sad ones.
I have a feeling his ADD has something to do with it. While there is no excuse for his actions, I feel like to help him deal with his issues with our child requires more time and patience. He is trying. Some days he is able to deal with how the baby makes him anxious and how I’m not able to help calm him down at that moment. Some days he is nice to our son and other days he “picks” on him trying to “toughen” him up.
The real question is would I ever get a divorce? To be honest I don’t know. I don’t feel our relationship is at that point, but I don’t know he really feels.